The Talibans

June 4, 2009

June 4, 2009.

To call Talibans medieval is an outright insult to medieval ages, which produced literary and towering figures like Shirazi, Razi, Beruni, AveCina and poets like Amir Khusro. The Taliban are pushing the boundaries of Jahaliya upon us in the name of Islam. In the 1980s, the battle of soul became the battle of body-counts. Oil, radicalism, drugs, dollars and real-politicking enmeshed in the social structure and popular culture of Pakistan became so deeply rooted that now it has emerged as the evil spirit of domestic terrorism. Claiming to support the cause of Pashtun Nationalism, these war-monger maniacs are blotting out the heavenly regions of Pakistan’s northern areas with the stains of barbarism and havoc, tainting the very image of the peace loving and honorable Pashtuns at the same time.

The Taliban are a reality mirrored in Marriott bombings, the plight of the tribal areas and the destruction in Sawat. They portray themselves as the model for governance, an epitome to be followed and a dispenser for quick justice and here-and-now punishment. But their real act is the reduction of islam into a mere shadowy penal code. Their link towards the past is distorted, their present is unworkable and their future bleak. They are determined to fashion Pakistan on the lines of a cross between Saudi Arabia and FATA, sans the oil. Created out of warrior culture and poverty, they are prone to death and destruction with impunity, and are least concerned with human values of nobility, sympathy and concern for others. On the global front, they are against every secular invention, based on the fact that it is in use of those that they have clashes with. Therefore, their standard of conduct is double, rendering their moral rhetoric as absolutely hypocritical and contradictory.

The Taliban are our modern day savage marauders. They are anti-women, anti-aesthetic, anti-pleasure, anti-progress and anti-happiness. Their lives are devoid of smiles. Their way of life is shorn of beauty. Their social attitude is biased. They gather people not to alleviate their miseries, but to perpetuate their own narrow agendas. Their nucleus is divine law which is divisive and contentious for all purposes by misinterpretation. Their habit of attributing every discovery and invention by man intellect to a predestined divine code is fallacious.

Their method of employing violence, innocent blood, is instilling a terror everywhere – both psychological and social. Their motif is the social destabilization and structural disintegration of Pakistan and every country they set their lethal gaze upon. Their advances must be halted, their existence ceased, and their crimes prosecuted. The innocent and naive inhabitants of Pakistan’s northern and tribal areas, as well as those in Afghanistan should be made resourceful and aware to resist the bastion of this hideous disease of a movement. The Pakistani government and the elements within it, rogue or not, have both enjoyed enough of using the Talibans as a trump card to gain the gilded sympathies of the West. It is time to either crush them out of existence, or witness them inflict insurmountable and irreversible damages to our civilization and our national sovereignty.

So help us God.




April 9, 2008
“Alright man, Ashland and Foster. Is this corner fine?”
“(British accent) Yes indeed. Hey thanks. What do I owe ya?”
“Alright, here’s eleven. Keep the change! (The most patronizing grin+nod ever)”
“Keep the change? What the fuck do you mean keep the change? What 50 fucking cents? What am I a bum now and you’re bono fucking helping the poor? Yeah your 50 fucking cents would really help me climb the ladder from the box i sleep in to the palaces of Granada, prince william”
“…what you don’t like the tip I `GAAYAIVE` you?”
“Oh no, I love it, doesnt it show? 50 fucking cents? Here, here’s a dollar, (dollar bill thrown at sweet mouth’s face), go buy yourself something nice, and here’s your 50 cents (2 quarters thrown in addition)”
“Have a nice evening, jackoff. Get the hell out of my cab.”
(Door closes)
“Kutti da bacha. Frekkin foreigners.”
(Radio playing) “97.1 FM the drive, here’s Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody.
“Mama…just killed a man…”
(Thunders rolling somewhere far off. Chicago winds. Another night at work.)

Re: I am a Muslim (

December 7, 2007

Umm, nice effort man, but umm, the early ottoman and Spanish Muslim empires in all fairness, did NOT live in harmony with other people. I duno if you’ve ever heard those little bitty events called the crusades. Besides, why are you so conscious of people labeling you of being what majority of us ARE, back where we came from. Why don’t we see Jewish kids raging until their neck veins pop out trying to say “I AM NOT CONSPIRING TO OWN THE WORLD, AND I AM NOT CHEAP OR BUY STUFF ONLY IN SALES, AND NEITHER AM I REALLY GOOD AT FINANCES AND I DON’T TELL JOKES ALL THE DAMN TIME. I LOVE ISRAEL AND THERE’S NO SHAME ABOUT IT, AND I WEAR A SKULL CAP WITHOUT THINKING WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY ABOUT IT, AND I AM A JEW!!”

 Think about it.

In addition, Muslims don’t drive taxis or work at gas stations because their faith says so, but because they are new immigrants and on the lower wings of the economies in most of the modern western world. You are a Muslim and you do all those cool, non-traditional, non-obnoxious things because of your American upbringing, not because anywhere in Islam it is mandatory to do or to refrain from doing those things. Since you dug up all those facts from history, did you also see how new immigrants in Muslim renaissance era states lived? I’ll tell you how they lived. In our sharia laws, non Muslims, called Dhimmis, are third class citizens. They can’t own land; they can’t marry among Muslims or preach their religion. They sure can practice it but nowhere near where Muslims do. In fact, in Pakistan where I grew up, eating and drinking with Christians is taboo because they’re considered dirty, or as we say, Napaak. But again, that’s Sharia law, and not Quran, and that’s Pakistani custom, not Islamic custom.

All I am saying is, stop being pissed off about petty things, and do something to better educate your brethren so they don’t make fools out of themselves.

p.s. The guy who said Taj Mahal was not built by Muslims, The chief architect’s name was Eissa, and he was a Muslim guy from Multan.

Hey There Musharraf!

December 4, 2007

Guys. It just happened. I was listening to the arabic version of hey there delilah, “Hey there Khalilah,” and I came up with my own rendition of it. I am gonna need rabbi’s help with the music and then maybe we can put it on youtube. 😀 Meanwhile, Enjoy!

p.s. I reserve all copyrights of this following song. Any unauthorized use will be cursed! (and prosecuted) 😀

Hey there Musharraf whats it like in rawalpindi
I am a thousand miles away
and things are really looking shitty yes they do
Benazir just had to betray you
And the molvies too

Hey there Musharraf
Don’t you worry about Imran Khan
All he wanted was a beating
And sharif has learned his lessons
Pretty well
Let him boycott he is just a drag
We’ll kick his ass

Oh the things you did to rule
Oh, the things you do to rule
Oh, our nation you have ruined
Oh, our nation you have ruined
The nation you have ruined

Hey there musharraf
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me man in January
We will be getting back on our tracks
We’ll have it back
We’ll loot the way we thought we would
Benazir is good

Hey there musharraf
Now just keep on sacking judges
And that moron cj needs to be restricted and be punished
Yes he does
How dare he speaks
Who the hell is he to make the laws
And point your flaws

Oh, the constitution could,
Oh, just go die in hell,
Oh, you run Pakistan,
Oh, who’s to challenge that,
Who’s to challenge that

A thousand miles seem pretty far
But they’ve got suicide bombing cars
I’d smack you cross the face if I just could
The world is making fun of us
Coz we let a dumbass rule on us
You know you shouldn’t have pulled this whole crap
Musharraf I can promise you
That by the time that you are through
The history will write you as a shame
Coz you’re to blame

Hey there Musharraf
You be good and don’t you screw us
We have given you the chance to stay
So now you give us back our freedom
You know its all because of you
Our courts are just a big shamoo
Hey there musharraf here’s to you
This one’s for you

Oh, repeal the PCO
Oh, just give our judges back
Oh, or we will come kick you
And, and this time you’ll be sacked
This time you’ll be sacked.
Oh ooo

Chuck Norris V. Gerard Butler – The Showdown of Hollywood Facial Hair

April 18, 2007

We’ve all heard of Chuck Norris’ being the ultimate super-powerish macho being. But as Zack Snyder’s movie 300 rocks the theaters around the globe with its copper-sepia-ish appearance, uber macho testosterone filled action scenes, all characters in the best physical conditions a human could ever be, I the die hard chuck norris fan stop and think – Gerard Butler Vs. Chuck Norris? Could …could it …could it be?

The very thought of a Beard on Beard uber-macho collision, an unprecedented event in the history of worshiping media-icons, and a comparison of the bests both thrilled and enticed me into writing something about it. So here it is, the first writing dedicated to-

            The 2007 Beard on Beard Fiasco, featuring Chuck Norris and Gerard Butler. 

The idea is to have on board as much chuck norris fans as we can, and then gathering some gerard butler fans if there are any, and see what happens. And as a neutral observer, here are my odes to both bearded saviors of manly honor,  recklessness, and of course an undying drive to leave a long lasting impression on the ladies, Chuck “freggin” Norris and Gerard the 8-pack Butler –

Chuck Norris was the reason Persians never invaded the Americas. (I know its lame, but thats what u get at 2.49 am in the name of ingenuity).

Gerad Butler’s abs make Leonidas go: Dayum, I wish I was a greek and whatever ensues…

April 12, 2007

Hello world!

As I lay here in my bed after finishing my cereal and getting ready for school, I want to write something, but I don’t know what to write about. The worst nightmare of any writer, or anyone involved in creation of any sort – running out of material. There’s so much out there to write about. So much to opine about, but hardly anything inspires me anymore. Algeria bombed by the Al Qaida in Islamic West, 26 dead. Democratic congress pushing for embryonic stem cell research bill, Bush threatening to veto, Sanjaya still in the american idol, Sunni Tehreek v. Ehl e Hadees setting new standards of sectarian violence in an already unstable Pakistan – So much, yet so little.

Its mid-April, and still snowing here in Chicago. This is one weird year. It will be my first El Nino, and I am so not looking forward to that. I’ve got to admit I don’t work well with summers. Anything above 80 F is so not cool. Blah now I sound like a suburban housewife. Maybe thats what happens when you attempt to procreate at the heights or your infertility.

Sorry to disappoint you, dear few readers. Come summer, the semester will be over, andI I’ll definitly have time to read much more, and I promise I’ll do my best to be inspired, and to churn out something useful.


While I was gone…

April 9, 2007

Shameful results in a sport causes a nation faced with debt, poverty, internal instability, rising aids related death rate, and a potential massive shortage of wheat to unite about assassinating the team members.

The leader of the infidels up in Jerusalem calls for peace talks the leader of Saudi Arabia – King’s too busy with camel races, falcon rearing, and artificially inflating oil prices so the exports of the west to the “muslim nations” could be raised in prices for transportation rates hikes.

Frenzied, under privileged, illiterate perhaps, and having nothing better to do fucked up brains take up God’s task on earth. Hurray! Now we’ve really figured it out people – Girls shouldn’t be educated along with guys, and shouldnt at all be educated beyond the basic read and write skills, neither can they be the leaders of the nation or do anything along with the divinely gifted male gender, BUT, my friends… they sure kick butt at, well kicking evil’s butt! They can militarize themselves, threaten the social stability and peace of their own nation and to kill their own fellow countrymen and take their own lives which was declared haram by the Prophet, God, and if it satisfies you motherfuckers, the Imam of Ka’aba in June 1998.

So, the way I see it, anything that aides us men fuck things up for everyone but ourselves, women are allowed to do that. Anything that defines humanity, civilization, intellectual development, personal progress and advancement, and soul enrichment, women should be kept away from them. Way to go, pigs! Not those who took over a mosque and burned down businesses and threated to kill school children, but all of those who watch in a stagnant amazement. Not even one person who’s video store was burned down or the namazies of Lal Masjid or residents of abpara, not one of those perverts was fucking man enough to bitch slap those… bitches?

You wealthy, employed, new cell fone using, soccer loving, basant celebrating Pakistanis put to shame the malnourished, diseased, poverty stricken tamils, asamis, Ugandans, Zimbabwean, and even Fijians who wouldn’t compromise national stability, peace and social order for anything. You dumbfucks know damn well how to raise hell when a government official blatantly bashing his government is neutralized for your own damn sake, you know damn well to never pay the taxes and blame the government for not doing enough welfare work, but you dont know shit about how to control your own filthiest portions of the populace.

As usual, I stand proud of my country, disgusted by its people. Pakistan Zindabad.